Unless a grain of wheat falls down and dies......

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.... John 12 v 24

Everything seems at a standstill, on hold, totally motionless. This is what my feelings tell me but God is saying something totally different.

Emotions can be a good thing but they can also be deceiving. What we see with our eyes and feel is not what it actually happening. God is moving behind the scenes. We are to live by faith alone.
Most of my life I have been ruled by my emotions going from roller coaster ride to another. Tossed and turned following, friends, following man, following bosses, following husbands even. It has left me exhausted trying to please all the men all of the time and by ‘men’ I mean both men and women.
I read the Word of God and I take in the truth of Gods promise ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’. I know it to be true yet my feelings surface and I am feeling insecure at my surroundings and insecure about the future.

Yet I have just read those beautiful words ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’. Why do I still feel the same? I want to change, I don’t want to feel insecure and I get frustrated with myself. Sometimes I sabotage unknowingly the good things that God is doing.

As I wrought over the tormenting feelings of my husband’s leaving last year and the fear of my future I took the lead of my dog Cindy and went for one of my walks. I tried to march off the frustration. I came back feeling just the same. I was sighing and praying to Jesus ‘please Jesus I don’t want to feel like this’. I came home had some lunch and then still proceeded to tackle the household chores again more out of frustration. I didn’t enjoy it at all but I did like the finished product.

I then sat quietly on my bed with a cup of tea. The words came quietly but I knew they were from the Lord. ‘the grain of wheat must die’. This time I felt understanding come through this difficult situation. God was saying that He is working through my situation but it must all die, no root left hanging.

I had had a dream a few weeks ago where I was digging a root out in the soil. When I had dug out this root I found an even bigger root so I proceeded to get a spade to dig it out deeper. At the bottom of this root was a giant ant. All I could see was a large black body of an ant. I got scared as I knew what I had uncovered was painful. In the dream I covered it over with sand, not soil. Through this I realise that God is dealing with something very deep and I can’t rush it otherwise the odd bad root might be left behind.

God has also been using illustrations of what He is doing where I live. There has been lots of road works; the patching up of the old with the new. I felt the Lord saying through this that it is no good just patching the old up with the new. The scripture of putting new wine into new wineskins took on a whole new understanding.

God is not in the business of patching things up He is in the business of making ALL things new! This takes time, lots of time and sometimes it is just horrible!

But when I sat quietly and heard the Lords quiet voice that a ‘death’ must occur in me I realised the truth and my feelings actually took second place.

I felt faith given to me this afternoon that what God is working out will be accomplished and to just rest and wait. Moving is to come and the door will open smoothly when it is time. For when God opens a door no man can shut and when God shuts a door no man can open.

When God speaks it brings forth life, hope, faith, love, rest and security in Him alone.